From announcing your second engagement to whom to invite to the ceremony, we’ve got the answers to your remarrying questions.
Q: We're getting married in July and this will be the second marriage for both of us. When I mentioned invitations to my mother, she was appalled that I was even considering them. She said that you don't send invitations when you remarry. Is this true?
A: How will people know to come to your wedding if you don't send an invitation? It's true that second weddings are often less formal -- perhaps you won't choose ecru paper with engraved script, for instance. But you'll still want to send nice, official invitations to your guests. Also know that an invite itself is not a hint that you want a gift! If you feel strongly about guests not buying presents, feel free to include the words, "Your presence is your present" or something to that effect on your invite.
Q: What is the appropriate wording to announce our marriage? We have both been married before and the wedding is for family and closest friends only. There are many people we wish to inform of our union, yet we do not want gifts. Do you have examples?
A: Wedding announcements are more than appropriate, and a very thoughtful gesture on your part to keep those dear to you informed. Granted, you don't wish for gifts; however, if they are sent or given, consider yourselves blessed! The following is an example of how you can word you announcement, assuming that you and your husband are doing the announcing:
Mrs. (or Ms.) Bride
and
Mr. Groom
have the pleasure of announcing their marriage...
Q: I just got engaged, but my mother told me she won't help at all, because this will be my third marriage and she is tired of the whole "routine." How should I handle my mother and family? (I feel funny inviting my relatives to a third wedding.) Who should I invite, and who should pay for a "third time's the charm" wedding?
A: Let's tackle the easiest part of your question first. Assuming your parents paid for your first two trips down the aisle, don't ask for a penny from anyone on your side of the family. They've done their part in that department, and this time it's your responsibility. Think of it this way: They'll have less reason to resent (or be cynical about) your remarriage if they aren't digging into their pocketbooks, and -- bonus -- they'll have less right to comment about preparations if they're not paying. Keep in mind, though, that your family may have doubts about this marriage, since it's your third one, and they may voice some of them -- so bite your lip and quietly prove them wrong. Eventually, when they see that you and your husband are blissfully happy together, they'll understand that the third time really was the charm for you.
As for whom to invite, by all means go ahead and invite everyone you want to have at your wedding, and have the celebration you two crave. But if you feel uncomfortable about asking your relatives to shell out cash for a third gift, write on your invites, "Your presence is your present."